Tales of a Samurai Sandwich Maker
by sapereaude13
Summary: A Spira that's slightly more mundane than the one we're used to - in this Spira, Auron manages a crappy chain sandwich shop and deals with his obnoxious employees. A goofy AU with appearances from the usual suspects. Rated T for language.
1. The One Where There Are No Pickles

_Looking back on his life, Auron wondered if he'd made some bad choices._

_He'd been the top of his class in school. Every college in the area had wanted him, but no. Yevon was hip then. He'd joined up with the monks in Bevelle, but he'd made the dumb decision of turning down that priest's daughter. The only solution then had been to just quit._

_Normally, Auron considered himself a person who worked hard and never gave up, but the monks were all jerks, obsessed with nepotism, blah blah. There wasn't really a lot of thought given to Yevon when there were penitent ladies to schmooze with and collection plates to pass. The so-called "religious" life hadn't been for him._

_But there he had been – no college education, some monk training and that whole fancy sword hobby that had cost him thousands of gil in lessons. So what to do? Logic would have said "Go to college, better late than never." But no. He'd seen the ad for "Managers wanted" and he had thought it would only last a year at most. A manager of a sandwich shop at the age of 25 – that would surely impress the ladies._

_But that was ten years ago. _

_This is his story._

--

**Tales of a Samurai Sandwich Maker**

**Chapter One – The One Where There are No Pickles**

Auron considered the back room to be his office. Even in a management position, the fine owners of the Spira Speedy Sandwich corporation had not deemed it necessary for franchise managers to have a space to call their own. And so he'd scrounged up a few extra gil for the desk that was now crammed into the back behind the tubs of mayonnaise and the extra bread racks.

There wasn't room for a chair, so he used the overturned box that had once held the fancy new toasting machine now that Spira Speedy Sandwich had moved beyond the usual cold sandwich offerings. Apparently toasted sandwiches were the wave of the future, but in Auron's estimation, people went across the street to Kinoc's if they wanted a toasted sandwich.

Then again, people went to Kinoc's whether they wanted the damn bread toasted or not. If there was a benevolent force in the universe, this franchise of SSS would close and he would be free. Free to spend his days not smelling like cheese and ham. Free from his obnoxious employees. Of course, he didn't have the kind of money to retire and would have to find something else – but managing a crappy chain sandwich shop with more employees than regular customers was not happening to him again.

Kinoc had tried to lure him over with the promise of being the Day Shift Manager at his store, but it wasn't for him. At least Spira Shitty Sandwiches didn't require him to give the customer a sandwich for free if he didn't smile when handing over the receipt. Auron didn't do smiles.

It was ten in the morning. The bread was baking, the peons were slicing up the meat and veggies, and Auron was doing his best not to bang his head against the wall until he killed himself. The first wave of lunch customers would be rolling in at quarter to eleven, and it was the buy two foot-longs, get one free day. Auron hated this deal. Everyone ordered it, and they ran out of fixings by noon.

Spira Shoddy Sandwiches had across the board allocations for meats and veggies and cheese at all their franchises, and even though he'd called corporate every day for months now, the greedy bastards wouldn't let up. And so he'd lost even more customers because they were slicing everything thinner now. He'd been able to see through the cheese slices that Tidus was working on that morning.

Speaking of his least favorite employee, the perpetually annoying teenager was knocking on the door of the storage room. At least Tidus pretended to respect the fact that it was Auron's office.

"Hey Auron!" The kid's voice was like a dentist's drill, piercing and noisy. Auron looked up from the disappointing accounts ledger to spy the young man with a sigh. Tidus wore his visor sideways and never tucked in his shirt. He was the least professional person on staff, with the exception of his father. But Jecht was another story for another day and thankfully, the drunk wasn't working until tomorrow.

"What is it?" he groaned, slamming the ledger shut.

Tidus scratched his head, and Auron wanted to faint. Whatever product that kid had in his hair better not be coating the tomatoes, he thought. "Um, we've got a problem?"

"Could you be a little more specific?" Where the hell were his ulcer meds? They didn't even have customers yet, and already there was enough of a problem that even Tidus thought it was a problem.

"I just noticed that we didn't get our pickles in today."

Auron was ready to grab Tidus by his crooked visor and beat him into a bloody pulp which could then be advertised as the Spira Stupid Sandwiches Sauce of the Month. "You just noticed this now? We open the door in twenty minutes!"

The kid shrugged. "Sorry, I was checking the bread."

Liar, Auron thought angrily. The kid was listening to blitz matches on the store radio, not the soft jazz that corporate had declared the most encouraging in a potential sandwich purchase. Auron would probably stick his head in the bread oven if he heard another saxophone wailing.

"Well, do you want me to pull pickles out of my ass, Tidus? If you'd told me yesterday when I placed the order, then we'd be overflowing with Yevon-damned pickles! But no! You tell me NOW."

Tidus raised his hands in innocence. "Well, I could go to the supermarket?"

Ugh. Petty cash was getting lower and lower every day, but it's not like corporate gave a chocobo's feathered ass about it. Auron opened his bottom drawer and hauled out the metal box. "Here is 50 gil," he said, handing the money over to the obnoxious kid. "You will buy 50 gil worth of pickles. Not 40. Not 45. 50. Understand?"

"I'm not stupid, you know."

"Work harder to convince me then," he snapped back, shoving the petty cash box back in the drawer. "Now get moving."

Tidus gave him a salute and bounded off. The kid had enough energy to power an entire fleet of Al-Bhed scavenger ships. Auron grabbed his visor from the coat rack and adjusted his tie. He'd have Tidus' prep job done in a third of the time, and they'd actually be able to serve customers when they walked in.

"Where's Tidus going?"

Auron did his best to avoid the adoring eyes of his slightly less obnoxious employee. Rikku was a good worker, too chatty with the customers, but she knew which end of the knife to hold.

"He's taking care of our pickle shortage," he informed her, gritting his teeth as she stood closer than necessary while he took the loaves out of the oven. "Would you move it, Rikku? This bread is hot and I don't need a lawsuit. You Al-Bhed are crafty, using all your old gibberish legalese."

Rikku smiled and skipped over to the end of the sandwich line. She knew he'd been a religious hardliner back in the day and usually forgave him for his comments about her people. It probably had to do with her obscene crush on him, one more irritation Auron faced in his day. He'd fire her if she wasn't as competent as most of his other employees put together. "I could slice the bread, sir! Just tell me what to do!"

He already had a sycophant on staff. He didn't need another. "Stop trying to be a suck-up like Yuna and go check the soda fountain. Someone bitched me out about watered down orange pop yesterday, and it's not happening again."

"You got it, boss!" Rikku nearly decapitated herself since she decided to look at him and not the swinging door that separated the sandwich line from the rest of the store. "Ouch!"

He rolled his eyes and let the little blonde shake her ass at him all she wanted. He didn't really care. The wheat and white were sliced – the specialty bread of the month was still in the oven. Of course, Tidus had been a dolt and put it in the oven last even though he'd been instructed specifically not to do so.

A few minutes later, the demon child returned with his arms so full that Rikku had to open the back door for him. Auron's face fell as the triumphant young man set down his purchases on the counter. "Here you go, Auron! 50 gil worth of pickles!"

Auron wanted to smack him into next week. "Those are cucumbers! What do I pay you for?"

Rikku skipped over, peering through the glass that separated customer from the idiot employees. "Well, um…can't you make them into pickles? Like, put them in a jar with vinegar or something?"

Tidus turned scarlet. "Oops. Sorry."

50 gil, gone! Gone! But they had enough cucumbers for the next two days, not like it mattered since the extras got thrown out at the end of the night. "Slice them. Just slice them and tell the customers that you're the idiot who can't tell a pickle in a freaking jar from a cucumber."

The kid nodded, hurrying around to get started. The bread was set, Rikku had done her magic with the soda fountain, and Auron was tempted to make a sign advertising how customers could have as many slices of cucumber as they wanted (unlike anything else that would go on their sandwiches).

He grabbed his keys and opened the front door, unsurprised by the zero people waiting to come on in the store. It was quarter to and already the line was out the door at Kinoc's. Whatever. Just because they had sliced prime rib. Who ate that crap anyway, really?

"Alright kids, first wave in about ten minutes." He didn't trust anyone but himself or that little honor student Yuna to run the register and he got it set up, adding a fresh roll of paper for receipts. "Rikku, you start. Tidus, bring it home." He liked to keep Tidus within arm's reach in case the kid needed a smack to the back of his head. And keeping Rikku at the front of the line kept her away from him with her grabby hands and sickeningly sweet smiles.

Finally, a bored looking businessman sauntered in, and Auron did his best not to frown. He wasn't going to smile, but this was the best he could do without hurting himself. Rikku tipped her visor. "Welcome to Spira Speedy Sandwiches, I'm Rikku and I'll be your Sandwich Sculptor today!"

"Uh huh. Just give me turkey on wheat."

"Foot-long or six?"

"Six."

"Toasted or cold?"

"Cold."

"Aye aye, sir!" He watched Rikku get to work, her deft little fingers slicing through the wheat quickly, and he bit his tongue as she piled on the turkey. They'd run through it all by 1, 2 at the latest if she kept it up. "And what kind of cheese can I interest you in today?"

"None. Just turkey and pickles."

Rikku grinned, sliding the sandwich down the line to Tidus. "Oh, well I think I'll have my friend finish for you." The little Al-Bhed had the face of an angel and the devil's sense of humor. Another reason Auron hadn't fired her yet.

Tidus looked ready to pass out. "Um, you said you wanted pickles..." Auron gripped the countertop tightly. Between Tidus and his ulcer…

Auron watched the customer's gaze drift down to the empty pickle container where Tidus' fingers were nervously drumming. "You don't have any pickles?" the customer asked incredulously, his eyes looking away from Tidus and out the door in the direction of Kinoc's.

Rikku smiled brightly. "We have plenty of other great things to put on your sandwich. How about some cucumbers? It's like a pickle in training!"

The customer raised his eyebrows at Rikku's cheerful face. "There's really no pickles here?"

Auron didn't need to lose a customer. He lost enough to that stupid Kinoc and his stupid prime rib lunch specials – he didn't need to lose someone who had actually stepped into the store of his own free will. "Sir, I'm very sorry about the pickles. Could I offer you another six-inch sandwich or some chips on the house?"

The customer frowned. "But that doesn't fix my problem. It just gives me more food than I want."

Tidus was just about to pick up the sandwich and dump it behind them when Rikku tossed off her smock. "Just hold on, sir! I'll get you some pickles!" Auron was gobsmacked as the girl raced out of the store and across the street, shoving her way past the Kinoc's line. The customer tapped his fingers on the counter impatiently.

A minute passed, then two. Then three, and Tidus was about ready to melt into a puddle of shame that Auron would get stuck mopping up. Finally, Rikku hurried back in, looking over her shoulder the whole time. She emptied her obscenely large pockets onto the counter, and Auron was stunned to see four brand new jars of kosher dills.

"Rikku, how…"

The girl beamed. "Pickles for your sandwich, sir!" She shoved one of the jars in Tidus' hand. "Open it!"

Tidus complied, opening the jar and piling on the pickles for the impatient customer. He and Rikku proceeded to empty the others into the pickle container while Auron rang up the sandwich. The man departed with a sad shake of his head. Once he was clear, Auron smacked his hand down on the counter hard enough to pop open the drawer of the register.

"Rikku, what the hell did you do?"

She gave him the eye, the "I want to do inappropriate things with you up against the freezer in the back" eye that made him want to vomit. "A girl doesn't reveal her secrets."

He stormed over to the trash, finding "Kinoc's Quality Pickles" written plainly on the label. "You stole these? How?!"

Rikku shrugged. "They were so busy, they didn't even notice. I'm stealthy, like a cat you know? Man, Auron you should have seen me…"

He ignored her, tossing the jar back in the trash. She'd earn a quarter an hour raise – and Tidus would be back to minimum wage very soon.


	2. The One Where The Customers Suck Face

**Chapter Two – The One Where the Customers Suck…Face**

It had been an agonizingly long shift. Tidus had called in sick. Again. Auron knew that Tidus was only sick in the mental way – he most likely lacked a brain stem.

Auron could probably call up the local arena and have his friend Bernie drain the sphere pool with the super powered jet, the one that would leave Tidus sprawled on the bottom in seconds flat. But then Tidus would call in sick legitimately, and Auron needed someone to cover on Thursday night when he went down to Luca for the Union of Sandwich Shop Managers meeting.

And so he had had to make do with one less employee on the sandwich line that evening. But closing time was in fifteen minutes, and he kept watching the clock from his vantage point at the register. Yuna was diligently sweeping the floor, going over the same spot half a dozen times to clean up a stain that Auron couldn't see. But there were worse employees to be trapped with on a slow Tuesday night at Spira Spoilt Sandwiches.

"Yuna, I think you got it. You're going to wear down the damn tile."

The girl straightened immediately, her cheeks flushing like they always did when there was attention on her. Auron wasn't quite sure why Yuna was working in a customer-focused industry – she belonged somewhere quiet like a library or a temple. Her father Braska was a bigwig here in Bevelle, and the girl didn't even need to work for a living.

"I'm sorry," Yuna babbled, nearly tripping over the push broom. "I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry." Auron rolled his eyes.

"Just start packing up. Nobody else is coming…"

The door slammed open, the hinges rattling and squeaking. Auron sighed. Always someone. The temptation to inform the two new customers that they were closed was outweighed by the paltry 236 gil that had been added to the cash register all day. Yuna scrambled back to the sandwich line, washing her hands like a compulsive.

The customers looked like two good-for-nothings. Then again, in Auron's estimations, anyone younger than him was a punk. The young man was tall and dressed in the same slovenly blitz clothes that Tidus liked to wear. His hair was slicked up into an impossible shape, and his boisterous laughter was probably going to shatter the fluorescent bulbs overhead.

The woman was one of those types that wrote poetry about metaphorical ravens feasting on her metaphorical entrails which itself was a metaphor for the cruelty of the world around her. Auron suspected that she really had nothing to be depressed about – young people like her never had to work hard for a living like he did. She had long black hair, skin paler than the provolone slices, and purple lipstick. Auron focused his attention on the cash register buttons to avoid the bountiful chest that was bouncing around inside the young woman's blouse. Didn't Bevelle have any decency laws these days?

Yuna smiled timidly, bowing her head like a servant rather than a minimum wage sandwich slinger. "Welcome to Spira Speedy Sandwiches. Today's special is…"

But Yuna blushed again as the woman shoved the man against the order counter, Spiky Hair's back now the only thing in his employee's vision. The chesty one started plastering the guy with purple-lipsticked kisses, and Auron wanted to beat them both with a loaf of wheat.

"Wow Lu, calm down!" the man protested, begging her to let him have some air. "We're in mixed company, ya?"

The woman's voice was like ice water, her dark eyes fixing her less than genius boyfriend with a death glare. "Enough Wakka. You know how I get when you take me out for footlongs…"

"Ooookay!" Auron interrupted, moving over to tap on the top of the sandwich counter. "Can we get you folks some food?"

The woman scowled at him. Apparently his short-sleeved manager shirt and sandwich-themed manager tie meant little to this customer. "Was I talking to you?"

He didn't need this. They were shutting down in five minutes and Miss Bitch thought she could insult him in HIS sandwich shop? "This is a place of business, and if you wish to conduct yourselves like two hormonal shoopufs, take it over to Kinoc's. They have lower standards."

The guy, Wakka, apparently found this hilarious. His laugh was noisy and obnoxious, complete with a snort here and there. "He got you good, Lu!" Lu was still unamused, crossing her arms uncomfortably over her ample assets. Auron hoped she had a good chiropractor.

Auron glanced at Yuna, nodding for her to continue. Girl needed to grow a spine one of these days. She adjusted her visor and cleared her throat quietly. "Um, what can I get for you, sir?"

The two horny young people ordered their sandwiches. Yuna nearly worked up a sweat adding every possible topping available to the man's sandwich while the woman crinkled her nose at all of the ingredients. She finally settled for lettuce and onions on white, the most boring sandwich Auron had ever seen ordered in his store.

Yuna slid the two wrapped sandwiches down to the till, and Auron rang them up. "Any drinks or side items for you tonight?"

The man opened his mouth to order more food, his eyes nearly glazed over at the sight of the cookies near the register. But the woman wasn't having it. "You're getting too fat eating the way you do. It's unhealthy!" She turned to Auron with a glare. "Just the sandwiches."

Wakka grunted angrily but shelled out the gil for just the sandwiches. Auron didn't know why a normal-enough moron like Wakka put up with a bossy woman like her, but he supposed that there were two very good reasons. He got ready to get the cash together for the night and start cleaning up, but to his utter dismay, the two customers sat at the table Yuna had just spent twenty minutes scrubbing earlier.

A quick glance at the clock. Closing time, but so long as customers were in the store, it was corporate policy to let them finish. Yuna was biting her lip. Perhaps she had a pressing engagement with a certain blitzball player that evening. Everyone in the store knew about Yuna and Tidus, and Auron cried for humanity that a shy, smart girl like Yuna would go for someone so…strange. But Auron didn't know much about relationships. Yuna and Tidus, this dunce Wakka and his large-chested ball and chain – none of it made any sense.

"Get the salvageable stuff in the fridge," he ordered his employee, who snapped immediately to attention and started gathering up the vegetables that would be fine in the morning. With so many starving throughout Spira, it irritated Auron to throw out so much every night. It's not like Yevon was doing its job and protecting the poor or downtrodden – nah, that would be too much effort when there were blitz matches to bet on and Al-Bhed to legislate against.

He settled the accounts for the night, keeping Wakka and "Lu" in the corner of his eye. She nibbled at the sandwich while Wakka was practically inhaling his. Auron couldn't imagine how Wakka's breath smelled with every possible topping on his sandwich. But it appeared that his girlfriend was discovering it – they were making out again over their sandwiches.

Yuna blushed as she scurried away from the sandwich counter with stuff for the fridge. Auron was ready to flick the lights on and off and kick the idiots from his store. Couldn't they wait till they got home? He tapped the counter impatiently. "We've got a store to close. Could you please focus on eating your sandwiches and not one another? Corporate has a strict policy against cannibalism," he warned them.

Wakka chuckled again while his lady friend gripped her sandwich tightly, ready to chuck it across the store at his head. Auron raised an eyebrow, daring her to do it. He hadn't banned anyone from Spira Sticky Sandwiches in ages, and he never felt more powerful. Auron rarely got to exercise real authority since corporate was always breathing down his neck, but the franchise by-laws were fairly open ended when it came to banning.

One moron had gotten friendly with himself in the bathroom. Auron had taken his picture, banned him and plastered the entire front window with the man's face complete with a "This man wanks it to Maester Mika's photo…but not in my store" sign for an entire month.

Then there had been the woman breastfeeding at peak lunch hours in the middle of the store. Another banishment and coupons for free cow's milk for all the other customers. The teenage vandals had had to repaint the walls of the bathroom or face prison time. Auron knew people in Bevelle law enforcement. He made good on his threats, and he saw the woman's eyes travel to his "Manager reserves the right to ban you" sign posted directly over the week's special promotion sandwich ad.

She lowered the sandwich with another scowl, and he snorted. That showed her. He carried the cash to the back room and locked it in the safe. Yuna was crouching behind a tub of mustard.

"Are they still…you know?" she asked him shyly.

"Probably."

She blushed. "Can I leave out the back way tonight?" He nodded, and she scampered off.

The girl was quite the prude. He wondered how Tidus could stand it. Auron then wondered why he was wondering about his employees' relationship. There were better things to think about. His upcoming union meeting. His newspaper when he got home. That good looking woman on the Sphere News Network…

He was so focused on his thoughts that he didn't even see the sandwich until he felt it smack against his face.

"Up yours, jerk!" the buxom woman shouted.

Auron wiped lettuce and onion from his face to see her flashing him a rude gesture from the doorway. She slammed it shut, the glass rattling in the panes. Wakka was still eating, seemingly oblivious to his girlfriend's banish-worthy offenses and subsequent exit from the store.

Auron cleaned up the mess. "Don't ever bring her back here, you got it?"

Wakka laughed. "Lu's got a bit of a temper, ya?"

"Is everything a joke to you? Don't make me ban both of you!"

The young man beamed at him. "You gotta relax, ya? All about breathing and keeping calm at your center." He balled up his empty sandwich wrapper and tossed it across the room into the bin. A perfect shot. "Good sandwich!"

Auron rolled his eyes as the young man departed. His center was perfectly calm, even when grumpy women were throwing sandwiches at him. He locked the store and smirked, heading straight for the back room. It was high time he made a new sign.

He snagged a piece of paper and a marker. Auron closed up that night with a bounce to his step and a brand new "No kissing" policy posted on the front door.


	3. The One With Too Much Blitzball

**Chapter Three - The One With Too Much Blitzball**

The lunch crowd was finally dying down. Today had been the first day for the Scratch and Win promotion and everyone had been ordering the special sandwich that came with the scratchy sticker. Auron found the promotion idiotic - there was a 2.4 percent chance of winning anything remotely good like an actual free sandwich. The other winners were "Buy three foot-longs, get one more half price" or "Tell a friend about our great sandwiches." That last one wasn't even a prize - it was just stupid.

He'd watched customers sitting at the booths all day scratching with coins, only to see the angry scowls when they got the "Tell a friend" message. Normally, it gave him some measure of joy to see others suffer as much as he did in Spira Speedy Sandwich, but he was over it the moment that annoyed teenager blew all the scratch-off dust over the counter and into the tomatoes.

Yuna was her usual shy, blushing self and the Gods of the Employee Schedule had frowned upon Auron that day. Yuna's partner on the line that afternoon was the incomparable Tidus himself. He'd had to stand at the cash register and watch her giggle every time their hands touched when they passed sandwiches back and forth, and it was enough to make Auron sick.

The last of the lunch customers departed, leaving the store quiet again. Of course, the quiet lasted all of ten seconds as Tidus hurried to the radio and cranked up the blitz broadcast. Auron was getting used to tuning it out - the loud klaxon when a goal was scored, the sloshing noise of water, the sickening sound of someone getting tackled. But today, Tidus decided to get greedy.

The speakers blared, and the scratchy broadcast from Luca was tinny and obnoxious. "The pass from Jeddi Ronso to Fala Ronso...stolen by Vendi of the Psyches! Those Al-Bhed sure are quick today..."

Auron could already feel a headache forming. As the broadcast continued, Tidus proceeded to act out the moves as he swept the floor. He gave his employees far more leeway than they deserved.

"Looks like the Fangs are going to try for a goal. Here's Agni Ronso setting up the shot...he shoots..."

Tidus held the push broom back, and Auron added more paper to the cash register, a vein threatening to pop on his forehead. Yuna was watching her boyfriend eagerly, her hands clutched together as if in prayer. Tidus brought the broom down hard against an errant cup on the floor, launching it up into the air. Auron watched the cup sail over the counter, the lid flying off and sending ice and leftover pop all over the fresh bread Yuna had taken out of the oven just minutes earlier.

"He scores!" Tidus shouted along with the radio broadcast, only to pause mid-victory dance at the sight of his furious employer.

Auron resisted the urge to beat Tidus senseless with the push broom and instead switched the radio back to the smooth jazz station. "You!" he shouted at the kid as Yuna began cleaning up the mess behind the counter. Tidus gulped. "Out of my store!"

"Wait, Auron! No, I'm sorry...I just..."

"You're not sorry! You did a victory dance!"

"Um, well..." Tidus shrugged. "I won't do it again? Please don't fire me!"

The door opened, ushering in a family of customers and temporarily halting Auron's verbal assault. He changed quickly from his Unbelievably Angry face to his Mildly Perturbed face as Yuna grabbed some new tomatoes from the back and started chopping frantically.

Tidus hurried around the counter, washed his hands and greeted the customers. Auron was flabbergasted as Tidus greeted the customers properly instead of his usual "Hey, what's up?" Clearly, the young man knew his job was in the balance and that these customers could potentially be his last.

The child had a snotty nose, and Auron had to hide a few nervous twitches as the brat stuck his hands on top of the counter and tapped out a rhythm while his parents ordered their food. Thankfully, the family got their food (and scratch-off tickets) to go, thus shortening the amount of time between Auron's shouts.

As soon as the door shut, Auron turned his weary eyes in Tidus' direction. The young man was hiding behind his girlfriend, the coward.

Yuna decided to join the fight. "If you fire Tidus, I'll quit!"

Auron rolled his eyes. He knew this girl far better than she knew herself. "Yuna, you wouldn't dare quit. Not without two weeks notice." He watched Yuna's face fall with the truth of his words. Once a kiss-up, always a kiss-up. "And heaven forbid you list me as a reference for your next job. I'd hate to have to tell them that you like to break the company's no dating policy..."

Tidus scowled. "You're mean sometimes, Auron." He was mean all the time, Auron thought. Tidus seemed to be underestimating him.

Yuna bit her lip and moved away from her boyfriend. "Maybe...maybe we can compromise? What if Tidus takes the rest of the day off..."

"What?" Auron shouted. "How is that a compromise? He gets to swim around in that stupid sphere pool and..."

Yuna shook her head. "No no no, please listen. What if Tidus takes the rest of today off, but he covers your shift tomorrow? Then you can both calm down a bit?"

The thought of Tidus running the store in his absence made his brain ache, but he didn't need to justify a firing to corporate when they were already short staffed. But he and Yuna would be fine the rest of the night, and Rikku would be on tomorrow. He grunted a non-committal noise, leading Tidus to scratch his head.

"So, um, can I go?"

"Yes, the sooner you are out of my sight, the better. But this isn't Tidus goes on vacation time. I expect you here bright and early making that bread tomorrow."

The kid nodded, seemingly happy to have survived another day at Spira Smelly Sandwich with his job intact. Whether he deserved it or not. Tidus smiled brightly, bounding out of the store. Auron was just about to get some more mayonnaise from the back when the door opened and in walked yet another miscreant.

The Kinoc's shirt was pressed and neat, not a speck of food anywhere to be seen. His hair was long, and his eyes were sharp. Yuna immediately looked down at the condiments in front of her - anywhere but at the newest visitor to the store. Auron crossed his arms, loathing the sight of this moron.

His voice was smooth, but sleazy. The typical Kinoc's employee who is all smiles in the restaurant and a predatory ass when out of the store. "Afternoon Auron. Yuna, looking lovely as always. Couldn't help noticing that there was some kind of employee dispute in here a few moments ago?"

Auron opened the oven and added some more bread, turning his back on the visitor. "Still can't think of a better way to spend your breaks, can you Seymour?"

Seymour grinned. The man was a pain in the ass, preying on his employee whenever he got a fifteen minute respite from the busy Kinoc's line. Seymour Guado was Kinoc's number one employee - ruthless and relentless. Seymour's melodious voice could probably convince you to sign over your soul. Auron wouldn't be surprised if he'd been able to accomplish it. Kinoc kept him at the register as much as possible to sell a ridiculous amount of extra side items and drinks. Auron would give his left arm for an employee as driven as Seymour - but he'd probably give the other arm to beat Seymour with it until he was nothing more than a pile of blue hair and Guado guts.

And for the past several weeks, Seymour had been trying to poach Yuna to work for Kinoc. Auron was getting sick of it, but Seymour always bought something and they had to serve all customers if they paid, wore a shirt and shoes and didn't cause trouble. Seymour's suggestions were all politely phrased, and Auron had yet to figure out a way around it. "I was just concerned, that's all. I don't like the thought of someone as hard working as Yuna being in an environment that's not utilizing her to her full potential."

Auron smirked. "We make sandwiches, Seymour. We're not saving the world from ultimate destruction."

Yuna stayed quiet, tidying up the food. It was clear to everyone but Seymour that she didn't want to leave her job at Spira Speedy Sandwich. But he wouldn't give up. "I don't buy that argument, Auron. You have this beautiful girl cutting bread and slinging lettuce around. She should be working the register."

"She does work the register," Auron spat, letting Seymour goad him a bit. "In my absence only."

Seymour leaned on the counter, picking up a bag of chips with his creepy fingers and dangling it in Auron's face. "Chips please." The Guado gazed back at Yuna with a sinister leer. "But with Yuna at Kinoc's, she gets stock options and a more than adequate discount. What's the discount here?"

"Piss off percent," Auron growled, ringing up the chips. "That'll be three gil."

Seymour smiled, reaching in his wallet for the money. "That's highroad robbery, you know."

"I don't make the prices."

Yuna ducked out the employee door and started busying herself with the broom, sweeping up crumbs that would only be visible with an Al-Bhed magnifying device. "Seymour, sir, I'm perfectly happy here," the girl whispered, the sound of the broom probably blocking out her weak attempt to block Seymour's constant nagging.

Seymour pocketed his change and instead of sitting at a booth, he moved from one part of the store to the other as Yuna swept. "Come now, Yuna. You wouldn't have to sweep at Kinoc's. The daughter of Braska shouldn't dirty her hands with such things."

"I really don't mind sweeping," she argued quietly.

Auron rolled his eyes. Let Yuna fight her own battles. He knew Seymour's break was up in about three minutes, and he'd have to scurry back across the street. These would be a long three minutes – three minutes he'd never get back either. Auron wiped down the sandwich counter, imagining a swarm of pyreflies descending on Seymour with never before seen fury. It was a good daydream.

Meanwhile, Seymour continued to bother Yuna, munching on his chips and spilling plenty of crumbs on the floor. Auron could tell that the clean freak tendencies in Yuna were beginning to get agitated, and the girl's grip on the push broom was shaky. Auron hoped she was thinking what he was thinking. He helped Yuna along, switching the radio in the store from the smooth jazz back to the stupid game.

"Yuna, did you know we have five types of mustard over at Kinoc's?"

"Bidden of the Psyches goes down with a nasty tackle, but his teammate Prala picks up the slack, lining up her shot…"

Auron concealed a wicked grin as Yuna maneuvered the broom over to a cup full of ice that some moron had left beside the garbage bin rather than in it. Seymour continued to yammer on about Kinoc's new flatbread offerings while Yuna seemed to be calculating the proper angle.

"Prala shoots…"

Seymour was mid-brag when the ice cubes smacked him in the face, his Kinoc's shirt getting drenched with sticky grape soda.

"She scores!" Yuna cried, immediately clearing her throat and bowing humbly. "I apologize, Seymour…I didn't mean to…"

Seymour turned redder than the snot in Ifrit's nose, his hand itching to spill all of the chips on the floor at Yuna's feet. "How…how dare you…"

Yuna continued sweeping, her cheeks turning pink in her happiness. Auron had never been proud of an employee before – the day was full of surprises. "Yuna, a little less enthusiasm with the sweeping when we have customers," he chided her, nothing but concealed joy in his voice.

Seymour decided not to risk a store ban, and he angrily shoved his empty chip bag in the trash. The moron was so flustered that he kept pulling on the door handle when it was clearly a push. That nearly got a laugh out of Auron.

"Have a good afternoon, sir," Auron taunted. "Come back again soon."

When Seymour was gone, he switched the radio back to the jazz. Yuna's earlier triumph was now overshadowed by the realization that she'd just broken the same rule Tidus had nearly gotten himself fired over.

"Auron, I…I didn't know what else to do…"

He waved her off. "Your aim's better than your boyfriend's. Just clean it up."

Another crisis averted, he and Yuna had successfully bought themselves at least a week's reprieve from Seymour, and Auron would cherish each one of those days.


End file.
